numb.

him: we're gonna be ok no matter what.

it's ironic that i'm seeing much of blue skies lately.

there was a time in our relationship when consistently sunny prospects would suddenly turn dark and grey whenever he and i argued. and then rain would fall from the sky, splattering on my cheeks where my tears wouldn't flow.

(was i amazingly unemotional then, or looking on like a mechanical gadget, a displaced heart?)

but now when we exchange words and gestures of hatred, i gaze through muddled blurs to see only sunny dispositions and azure canvases strewn about me.

(am i taught humility? imparted wisdom? acquainted with loss? or simply indolent... unwilling to express pain except through the devices of capricious clime.

...even i, the miscomprehended, do not take my own words to heart.)

first heartbreak sends puppy love spiraling into oblivion, dreams dashed like eggs against a window, fragile entity crumbling, yoke bleeding down the pane, hungry eyes helplessly watching from the other end of the glass unable to the cease the destruction, declarations of i could never fall in love so deep again! second heartbreak, darkness overshadows, one is unable to see, unable to move, caught by the freezing chill of warming cozy brutally snatched away, but young heart wising up to experience feeling the spark of meek anticipation of falling in love again with someone completely new. third heartbreak, anger, blind fury, hurt pride, bitter loss in the game of “love.”

finally. a smoke. a drink. and a blink. face forgotten.

... do we grow so accustomed that even heartbreak ceases to… break?